Living and working with Anxiety and Depression. A diary of someone battling Mental”ill" Health.

Hello folks... An as it's happening posting.... Well it's been a month since my last blog. And it's been a good few months of me carefully feeling around in what is still a fairly new world to me... And I really have found myself doing and planning things that I could never have dreamt of a year ago.  I've been very much on the up........ But as has been the case before once again something isn't feeling right. I'm writing this starting piece while parked up on my break. I've not decided whether to publish it part written and add in an almost live approach or save and post when completed as normal.... But this is truly raw stuff as it's happening not even my amazing wife and loved ones are aware..... But this morning I've been almost overwhelmed from time to time by a massive sense of foreboding. As though everything I've achieved is about to blow up in my face. I stopped myself from bursting into tears about an hour ago..... This is what living ...

It's been another long silence.. I am again very sorry. I know that many readers have become used to my blogs as it helps them understand what they are going through or what they have experienced. However in my defense I've now engaged myself in the battle against Mental ill Health Stigma and I plan a series of talks on the subject to raise awareness.  The first of which is at Heightington village hall at 7pm on Wednesday 18th May. My Woodworking persona Crafty Pete's Woodshed has also become very busy of late. So....Yes.... things are unbelievably good for myself currently. And when I look back at where I was it seems unfathomable how such a transition can occur. But I will admit that there remains something deep down inside me somewhere telling me it will come crashing down to earth without warning one day. The difference being that now I have my coping strategies that hopefully will prevent a return to that place of self doubt and silence. How do these work ...... Well f...

 We seem to be in a fairly healthy period as far as my own Mental Health is concerned. It's just simmering away under the surface which is manageable to most of us.  So I'd like to invite you the readers to submit requests for topics I could cover to keep the blog going whilst things are relatively quiet.... It can be anything. But it would be great to get some ideas from you..... So please don't be shy...... Pete xx

  Hello again. Nothing for nearly two weeks and then two in four days.... It's like old times again.. Please note that the following is my story but for "me" please read "yourself" Or any one of the millions involved...... Unfortunately I have become one of the many recipients of a visit from the more malevolent of the Covid fairies. Like advance parties of special forces they sneak behind our defensive lines and try to find any weaknesses in our vaccines. So we've managed to go through the whole two years of Covid without any positive tests and then on Thursday I started feeling rough and took yet another test which would prove negative but instead confirmed the unwanted news. By evening on Thursday my limbs each felt like they weighed a ton and became so painful to move I have to virtually make a plan of how I'm going to move. I generally feel totally run down and the noises coming from my chest are getting confused with the cats.  And I'm shiverin...

 Hello folks and very sorry for the lateness of my little blog.  Things have become pretty busy with one thing and another, which has at last led me to thinking of a decent subject matter for an entry. I'm currently at that stage some of us sufferers experience where we are only too aware of where we have been and the effort it's taken to get to a good place. Not just ourself but from people around us. But having developed a personality strong enough to overcome a lot of what previously would stop us in our tracks or at best cause us fear and self doubt. We can find ourself in a position where we are being given opportunities to be constructive and creative once again. I personally have three or four areas where if I challenge myself in the right way I can actually begin to achieve some of the goals I've always wanted to. But there it is. To "challenge myself. " There is a huge risk involved for people who are easily discouraged. People who live with Imposter Synd...

  Well I saw this graphic the other day. And it kind of says everything I'm trying to get across to people. The person who suffers from mental ILL health often does it in silence. Or at least keeps it hidden from everyone.... So friends, colleagues, managers and loved ones can be misled into believing all is well. Even when we are going through some of the toughest periods of our life. It may also occur in some cases that to a trained eye there are behavioural signs that can indicate that a person is going through some form of mental health issue. If this is the case then an early intervention by a correctly qualified person by way of light conversation leading to the availability of assistance being highlighted can have a truly positive effect. But and as is played out in many scenarios in so many workplaces, these signs are either not seen or it is a conscious decision to NOT recognise them for whatever reasons. In this situation the weight of everyday decision making and a desir...

 Hello all and I hope you've had a good week or so. Yesterday I had a momentary flashback. Totally out of nowhere as if some part of my consciousness had re-awoken. Just a  second of time but it really hit me.  "How did this happen?" In a single second the past six months revisited me and left me feeling a little confused.  I know what I've been through and it was once again bloody scary. And I'm aware I currently find myself in a really good place. But it leaves me connected to feelings of fear and loss. These return as if to remind me I'm watched and vulnerable even when I feel so well. In that second I was transported back to seriously unpleasant times.  When the second passed it had physically changed nothing. And my mood was still upbeat and relatively positive. But my day has had a loose end to it throughout. Like having an unanswered question and not actually knowing the question! In some way I think this momentary event is nothing more than a reminder ...

 Well all seems good in the hood on a personal basis.  The week started with myself and Faith both gaining our third degree Reiki Master / Teacher attunements. Which has reinvigorated my connection with energy and all things universal.  This is a subject I could talk about for ages. But it's not everyone's cup of tea.   So if you would like to know more please feel free to contact me with any questions...... ........ The Men Walking and Talking groups seem to be going from strength to strength and our own in Stourport is receiving a new face each week. As we all commence friendships and connections with individual members of the group a feeling of comradeship is developing throughout. And whether it's a person who is becoming a close friend or another who say hi to every Friday night, we have each others backs. And if the phone goes at 3am you take the call.  MWAT is such a healthy and positive initiative it will continue to grow beyond expectations. .........

Today it's my birthday. This week I'm off work again but this time because I'm on holiday. Yesterday my life took another very positive step forward as Faith and I received our attunements as Reiki masters. This month so far I have been receiving a totally unsolicited flow of very kind and extremely revitalising positive feedback from people who have either discovered my woodworking or who have choosen me as their Counsellor. As well as from those who know me. Also a few very special people have become a part of my life. This is all such a very long way from that place where I spent September to February as I dealt with another episode of depression and it's friend anxiety. I cannot express the gravity in these blogs to convey the enormous depth of gratitude I feel towards all those who have put me in this good place I find myself right now. Please all of you allow yourselves to feel that warm glow of humanity for the role you have played in this. THANK YOU. W...