Living and working with Anxiety and Depression. A personal battle with Mental ILL Health. April 1st 2022
The person who suffers from mental ILL health often does it in silence. Or at least keeps it hidden from everyone.... So friends, colleagues, managers and loved ones can be misled into believing all is well. Even when we are going through some of the toughest periods of our life.
It may also occur in some cases that to a trained eye there are behavioural signs that can indicate that a person is going through some form of mental health issue. If this is the case then an early intervention by a correctly qualified person by way of light conversation leading to the availability of assistance being highlighted can have a truly positive effect.
But and as is played out in many scenarios in so many workplaces, these signs are either not seen or it is a conscious decision to NOT recognise them for whatever reasons. In this situation the weight of everyday decision making and a desire to not fail in some way becomes a self defeating spiral of anxiety as less tasks are completed successfully and more pressure is brought to bare.
I am striving to encourage anyone dealing with anxiety, depression, anger issues or any of the so many issues that challenge us to speak openly about it. Tell the employer, friend, loved one, counsellor or whoever exactly what you're experiencing and how it effects your day to day functioning...
This way there is no stigma. There is no secret. It's open and there to be addressed by all relevant parties. Just as any physical ailments.
...........
April 2nd... My first test for a while...
Last night we went to see the Stereophonics. The first big event anything like my nightmare at the Principality Stadium back in early November of which I have written in earlier entries.
And in all honesty the day went well with excitement actually returning to my catalogue of sensations once more.
BUT. .... Something has changed... Even though for the majority of the evening I was relaxed and having a great time. I experienced flashes of memory that briefly caused my pulse to rise and my fight or flight to kick in.
This was uncomfortable and apparently so my darling Faith now tells me quite noticeable each time.
You see this once loud, crude, annoying piss head now feels really uncomfortable around people who are indeed, loud,crude, annoying piss heads.
From time to time throughout the bloody fantastic evening I would briefly experience sensory overload taking me back to that night in Cardiff.
I am uncomfortable around people who are not behaving in a manner similar to myself. It's not their fault. And I'm not being a grumpy git. It's just a fact.
My behaviour is now measured so that I can keep myself safe. Being part of a large crowd challenges that sense of safety.
Constant movement of countless people. People who are obviously drunk and who's inhibitions are lost. People feeling the need to video call their friends whilst a band are playing. I guess, people having fun in their own way really "boils my piss."
So my annoyance now no longer turns to anger. I actually find it difficult to display anger these days. So my exacerbation turns into anxiety and fear. Waiting for something to go off. Argument, reaction, conflict, anger. The mere expectation of these play with my senses. I go quiet. I take a firm hold of Faith's hand. Or I fold my arms in the ultimate gesture of self protection. Regardless of these new reactions of mine it was actually a fantastic night. But it's another lesson learned.
This is me now. And I am so grateful that my amazing wife .... Gets it!! THANK YOU X
.......
Just a short one this week.
Take care all and be kind.
Pete x
Comments
Post a Comment