Living and working with Anxiety and Depression. A diary of someone battling Mental”ill" Health.

  WARNING.WILL INCLUDE ADULT CONTENT. When someone travels this route I have found that we become more humble after each episode. As though grateful for another lesson learned. I find myself needing to express my gratitude to anyone that has helped me through it once more. Any individual who has shown understanding and kindness has shown an emotional connection that has helped in the recovery process. Also many of us find that we cut people more slack than we once would have. Basically we learn the hard way to treat others as you wish to be treated yourself. However I don't recommend everyone should go out and get themselves a mental breakdown in some way. But I do advocate a much greater awareness and mindfulness throughout society and business. If someone has a visible injury or illness then quite correctly allowances are made when obstacles of any kind are in the way. But when the illness is not visible it is altogether more difficult to deal with for all parties. If a p...

It has to be a good thing that I'm not driven by my complex state of mind to write entries these days.  But I do apologise for them becoming far less regular than I intended but I'm also working on new ideas as well as reconnecting with old ones........ When I reflect upon the past few months I find myself looking back over some very uncomfortable times.  I went from having been in a really good place for a few months to another torturous few months of mental instability once again. When we who have these fault lines in our makeup, go through episodes of varying severity, sometimes the only thing we cling on to is the knowledge that we've survived previously.  To those around me in the present I am conscious that I'm  beginning to appear to be returning to my old self. I'm starting to chat with a few people in the day job.  I seem to function in a normal sort of way. Things get done. But inside I really am still treading water to an extent. There have been no gr...

 Let's look at Stigma... Stigma doesn't actually exist until people create it! Think about that for a minute or two.... "Stigma doesn't actually exist until people create it!" It isn't a thing. It has no life. There is no stigma. Not until we create it. But once it's given the slightest life sign it will grow into a monster.  It is born out of ignorance. From minds that the custodians of which are too lazy to engage with the wider picture....Those who don't think but do Judge! Who when faced with a scenario or subject matter that would require them to enter a deeper thought process than superficial, can't be bothered to even consider options that may possibly challenge their own"normal".  As an internal response to knowing they are failing to see a more accepting and altruistic outcome they will establish mechanisms to reinforce their already long held beliefs. Often with an almost perverse passion, as if to hardwire the misconceptions th...

 Regarding myself there's no drama's or incidents of note to diarise. But the transition to where I now find myself is ongoing and will be ever changing as weeks go by. Currently my self awareness is fully charged and running for every waking minute. Yes it's tiring sometimes but it's becoming part of the new me. A part of how I function is to double check my reactions both mentally and physically. Will I leave myself exposed? If so can I take the response? Is the other person capable of listening? Is a situation likely to be a threat to me in any way? Do I feel safe? And many more thoughts of preservation go through my head so many times a day. My return to the Day Job had developed into quite a scary monster. Especially when the day of my return saw things not go to plan in any way.  But with excellent support from managers and an excellent Union rep. I found a depth of strength that I thought I'd lost forever.  As far as me feeling judged by some.... Well the gre...

 Hello everyone. This is just a very quick entry to say I'm currently trying to adjust to my new normal. Things seem good although there's been a few wobbles. But my confidence is rebuilding slowly but surely..... For now anyway.. I will make a full entry later over the weekend.... Pete x