Living and working with Anxiety and Depression. A personal battle with Mental ILL Health. Saturday 19th February 2022

It has to be a good thing that I'm not driven by my complex state of mind to write entries these days. 

But I do apologise for them becoming far less regular than I intended but I'm also working on new ideas as well as reconnecting with old ones........

When I reflect upon the past few months I find myself looking back over some very uncomfortable times. 

I went from having been in a really good place for a few months to another torturous few months of mental instability once again.

When we who have these fault lines in our makeup, go through episodes of varying severity, sometimes the only thing we cling on to is the knowledge that we've survived previously. 

To those around me in the present I am conscious that I'm  beginning to appear to be returning to my old self. I'm starting to chat with a few people in the day job.  I seem to function in a normal sort of way. Things get done.

But inside I really am still treading water to an extent. There have been no great leaps of faith where I've thrown my all in with a bucket load confidence and righted a wrong.

It's more a daily assessment excercise. 

However not so much like finding a path through a minefield anymore. But more like being in the haunted house at the fair. Never knowing what's around the next corner.

But it seems, like so many of those who share this way of life, am carefully picking my way through and gaining a new thin layer of confidence each day. Very much helped by the number of work colleagues who quietly ask how I am on a regular basis.

It was Irvin Yallom who once said something along the lines of we don't breakdown but we breakthrough. And the opportunities I have ahead of me now are all things I would've previously wished for.

I cannot speak highly enough of the truly amazing movement that is Men Walking and Talking. Joining these like minded fellows as I have, has been a huge turning point for me in my recovery. And having talked and listened with them I know that I am not alone in my judgement. 

As a Mental Health professional I recommend them strongly and as a person who suffers with a number of the issues we share I am grateful and proud to be one of them.

The work I want to do in the future is to take down the Stigma associated with Mental ill Health.  And MWAT are the perfect group for such work to be done.

Men in particular find it so difficult to open up and talk, offload and connect with their more emotionally intelligent side.

If this pressure valve isn't used from time to time then life can become untenable for the individual and all around them. The results of which we hear of only too often in society.

So the whole ethos of MWAT is to offer a place where regardless of background and issue it is safe to turn up and be amongst friends you never knew you had. 

Subject matter doesn't have to be your problems or even you. It can be totally removed from the situation. Or you might just end up listening to someone who are grateful to have found you at that particular time.

I will forever be grateful to my new friends at MWAT and I intend to do anything I can to  promote and help this fantastic movement.

If you are going through a tough time and feel that you are suppressing a lot of your troubles I cannot urge you enough to try these amazing people. They share your experiences and your pains. They will put a hand on your shoulder when you cry and laugh with you when you joke.

It not counselling no. But it is most definitely therapeutic and positive. And I would say the very next best thing!

Also myself and a reaquainted old friend want to create a community group modelled roughly around the Human Library in Denmark......

And this is why I have been asking for you to let me know of your interest in talking openly to people.

Plans are in a very early stage and we don't want to put any dates to it yet, but we want to have a bank of volunteers with "Life experiences" not just based around mental health but all aspects of life's journey. 

Then throughout the year events would be held inviting people to enter a venue and choose one or more of the volunteers on offer that day to talk with for a period of time each. 

The idea being people will engage in open conversation and hopefully enrich their own life with the stories of others... Bare with us it's early days yet and a lot of work needs to be done first. But that's the rough outline.

Also in my battle to defeat the Stigma of mental illness I intend making myself available to talk about my own experiences and the stories behind them. I would then invite those attending to ask me any questions they may have on the subjects we cover and on counselling itself.  I am willing to discuss these bookings as of now and would ask that if you're interested you get in touch with a venue in mind.

I would also like to somehow become involved in how businesses approach Mental Health. In my eyes there has to be more than MH First aiders and a bit of CBT. More time and resources should be put aside for an holistic person centred approach to become a norm in the business community....But that's very idealistic of me I know. 

So that's where my head is currently.. Thanks for your fantastic ongoing support and please keep sending your messages etc....

Take care and be kind

Pete x