Living and working with Anxiety and Depression. A personal battle with Mental ILL Health. April 16th 2022

 

Hello again. Nothing for nearly two weeks and then two in four days.... It's like old times again..

Please note that the following is my story but for "me" please read "yourself" Or any one of the millions involved......

Unfortunately I have become one of the many recipients of a visit from the more malevolent of the Covid fairies. Like advance parties of special forces they sneak behind our defensive lines and try to find any weaknesses in our vaccines.

So we've managed to go through the whole two years of Covid without any positive tests and then on Thursday I started feeling rough and took yet another test which would prove negative but instead confirmed the unwanted news.

By evening on Thursday my limbs each felt like they weighed a ton and became so painful to move I have to virtually make a plan of how I'm going to move. I generally feel totally run down and the noises coming from my chest are getting confused with the cats.  And I'm shivering whilst sweating...And yet my wife is testing negative. Still....

Therefore I thought that this was a perfect time to write about how Physical health can very much influence and infect our Mental Health .

Yesterday was Good Friday. A Bank holiday. So luckily not a working day for me. But having proved infectious with Covid I need to isolate for up to 6 days. Today being Saturday I'm supposed to be at work. And the next two days will be Easter Sunday and Monday. So if I test negative on day 4 or 5 I will return to work. But if not I'll go back on the 7th day.

However having recently returned to work after my three months absence for which a part of me still feels guilty, I now find that regardless of what I'm actually experiencing as a physical illness I feel judged and guilty for not attending work.  Also I can hear voices saying how coincidental it is that it's fallen on a Bank Holiday weekend. Or other doubting words about my absence. The facts been. I'm infectious and seriously not well. I would willingly swap with any doubters especially as I'd not wish this on my worst enemy. And I was looking forward to seeing my beautiful granddaughter this weekend and now am reduced to an Easter home alone.

Now so many people suffer with this when illness and accidents occur even though the ailments are visible and self evident. And even in the case of Covid there's a neat little notification from the government to say you're advised to be confined to barracks for the good of mankind et al...

But still my subconscious voice. That shadow voice I cannot get rid of. The remaining poison in all that has become stronger and better in me continues to challenge my thought processes and decision making. It seeks to make me experience negative feelings over which once again I would fail to control and allow to take me down again.

Fortunately I am a stronger and more prepared person currently and hopefully a match for the other negative me. We shall see. But yes this is another of those challenges.

I am grateful that to the greater extent I have received such care and understanding from my employer that I can have around an 80% belief in the system these days and this is a great help to me in currently winning my ongoing internal dialogue which in the past has served to defeat me. But a battle is being fought once again. But I'm not alone I fight these battles along with millions of people in all areas of life. I'm not alone in fighting this particular battle because it occurs in many people who are afraid to voice it or just don't see the correlation in the two health states. Physical and Mental.

Take care and please keep yourselves safe best you can.

Be kind

Pete xx

PS.... I also meant to say just how much you miss holding, hugging and kissing the most wonderful person in your life until this kinda shit comes along. As well as just general contact with people physical and verbal....