12th November 2021 Day 23 The one where I get off my backside...And I am heard singing again...

 How the hell is it Friday? I know that some of my days this week have seemed to meld into one long day but how have we got to another weekend already? So goes the life of an anxious depressed lost individual.


But yesterday woke me up a little I think. I've not written about it but it was full on and hard work. Meetings and people..... All for good reason and part of my support... But every step was a task. But ... I did it!


And combined with the fact that this crappy cold is actually lifting, today has been probably the best day for some time.


It started with me winning my first challenge which was getting out of bed. My head was once again in the right place to keep depression at bay and tell the rest of me to get up and get going....... It felt good!


Yesterdays conversations are fresh in my mind. People did me more service than they could ever realise as today their words appeal to the part of me that wants to engage and be positive. Oh ...  the negative weight is still just above my shoulders. But it's not ON them currently. So you HAVE to make hay while the sun shines.


I'm pleased to say that Faith's health has also improved and she's lifted at seeing a positive difference in me.  Our humour seems to be returning a little. And anyone who knows us will be aware that humour is an important part of us being us. 


Although I got up and dressed ready to take on the world we both sat and chatted for ages. We talked like we haven't talked for a few weeks now. Light, jokey conversation between two people who share a love established over thirty years together. We mean so bloody much to each other. And we both know that times like these are difficult but they also pass.


Eventually we take to the tasks of the day. Faith to weave her magic in the world of hair and beauty. And me .... I open the garage door and tell myself to re-engage with my woodwork passion.


Four hours later there are three new hand crafted bowls part made. A ”hedgehog" shaped bowl being designed in my head, three spoons taking shape. Tools have been put away and the workshop tidied. I've had a shower and heading out for a bite to eat. As we get in the car my wonderful wife makes an important observation.... She tells me that she's hearing me sing for the first time in three weeks!... This is a big thing... Be it good or bad...and I think pretty damn good....I am known to spend a lot of my time happily singing away to myself. It can be anything from the eclectic collection in my head to something I've just heard. But it's what I do...IN NORMALITY! This is me... RETURNING!... The sense of relief is warming to say the least. But cautious me still wants to run all the checks and tick some boxes. However it could be that if I can go to bed and wake up tomorrow morning feeling like this then I'll consider it as "turning a corner".

I can honestly tell you that when someone living this existence can hold onto that hope they know that they're either in for a high or another devastating low. 

But currently all I can say is that it feels really good to be able to write these positive words for a change .

Fingers crossed for the morning..?..


Oh and PLEASE PLEASE just be nice to each other!


Pete x


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