24th October 2021 Day 4

 ”should I go to market"

I asked myself this as did my wife. The mood this morning was gloomy at best. I knew that I needed distraction and activity otherwise the risk was taking a spiral dive downward and it was only 6.30am.

”Yes”  To go to Ludlow market today was to surround myself with noise and friendly people. And most importantly to occupy my mind . Plus the unashamed possibility of receiving plaudits and positive strokes from people who like my work.

Market was cold and wet. But I am so pleased to say that today I laughed. I mean really laughed with no hidden fear stilting the happiness of joviality. I talked openly to people I know about my situation and listened when they told me of their experiences with MH. You see as I keep trying to get across... So many of us suffer with the various guises of mental health. And for far too long suffering has been done in silence which only serves to make it more painful. More frightening. The individual feels alone and that no-one wants to be troubled by their weaknesses. It becomes a paranoia driving them to hide in public. Keep below the radar. Live in silence. Under the constant judgement and ridicule of everyone. Only by sufferers speaking out and being persistent and strong enough to keep putting themselves in the way of judgement will things change. Employers cannot continue to merely carry out box ticking excercises by appointing untrained personnel to positions of quasi-responsibility to give an impression of care. Investment, honest believe and correct training must become the norm throughout all fields of education and business . Otherwise NO! It will not make a difference. 

I seem to be committed to writing this diary now and the responses I have received to date indicate that some are taking positivity from my clumsy efforts. I intend turning this into a Blog to make it more formal. I sincerely hope I can attract the same level of interest if not more. I will post links once I've got my head around how to set it up.

If I can shine the smallest of lights on an area of human experience that is too often neglected. Then I am achieving at least a part of my goal. At this point I don't know where my depression and anxiety is taking me. But I know I have more support than I could've ever dreamt. And I am so grateful to all who have connected with me to convey their care. Some of you have been suprises I admit. 


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