28th October 2021 Day 8

 At 9am I start nervously returning the call I received yesterday from the Heavy Mob. The relief I feel when I'm told that they were just checking in as I'd advised them I was going through the mill currently. A wonderful conversation with a lovely person puts me at ease and lowers the previous nights anxiety levels.

Today's woodwork is creative and restful and keeps me occupied til mid afternoon.

Then we start to get ready for a night out. We have tickets for Chicago at the Grand Theatre in Wolverhampton. I've become a fan of anything Bob Fosse was involved in. He was a dark, bad, loveable fun man and died we way to early. Although given the amount of sex, booze, drugs and fags it was hardly surprising that he left us at 60. 

However this evening's adventure is already growing horns and becoming threatening in some way. I've looked at directions over and again. I've expanded the Google map to see carparks near to the theatre. I'm working out how much time is needed to drive there. Get a meal. Then go to the theatre.

The journey to Wolverhampton passes without problem. But then I start letting my anxiety take over. We find a parking space for the evening but will need to pay for the first 40 minutes. We have no money. The machine doesn't take cards. So we leave that golden egg of a space and find a car park. I get out to pay. Then everything starts to speed up. I'm having a panic attack. What's my registration number? What buttons do I press? Why can't I understand the instructions in front of me? I'm losing it in the middle of a car park and feel very lost and frightened. With the help of a kind person who sees me struggling I pay £8! to park and return to the car. My wife can see I'm in a state and my fear and vulnerability permeates the next hour of the evening. I'm really scared that my confidence can be taken so easily without warning. 

The show was truly amazing and I urge you to go see it. 

Me ..? It's good to be writing again.....


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