29th October 2021 Day 9

 The one where not a lot happens and someone begins to restore my trust in people.


I cannot say often enough that these entries I make are not meant to come across as being about "poor little me”. So please please don't think that way. Yes some of this shit is very difficult at times but you know what.... I've won battles with my MH before and I'm sure I'll do it again. I'm very lucky. My support network is second to NONE! Even I've been blown out the water by it and so far it's working. 

I am writing these entries to get across what it's like living with various aspects of Mental "Ill" Health. I will deal with things in my way which are not the same as anyone else's. We all travel our unique road. 

But the issue's,events, reactions and feelings are all very much a muchness for so many people who feel imprisoned in some unexplainable way. And do not feel able to communicate their experiences to the world.

I am saying I've had enough of being quiet about my MH. It will no longer own me . Yes it will bite my backside from time to time but I won't feel embarrassed or stigmatised by it. When the events of my last working day occurred I had already made it clear to managers and colleagues that I was already dealing with my demons and didn't know how much more I'd be able to take. It's true to say that the events and behaviour of others on the day conspired to push me into the abyss and once again force me into battle.

BUT! I had absolutely NO fear of calling together the two most important people in the office telling them my feelings and categorically stating I could take no more and needed to leave. 

If I'd fallen over in the workplace and broken a limb I would not be able to work. 

THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE! But only I had any idea what lay ahead for me and my headspace. And I decided it wasn't going to happen in silence. 

I have had so much feedback via social media from people telling me their life stories. People thanking me for being so loud and proud on the subject. And my Professional Counselling Body asking if they can include a link to my blog on their monthly newsletter. 

......... I'm confident I am doing the right thing..

The main event of today has been a visit from a colleague who shares an understanding with me. They called in to see how I was and to give me a personal and now very treasured gift. We chatted for a short while not afraid of showing a mutual belief in each other as we've both fallen as victims of MH at times. We parted as friends just as happened a few days ago when another colleague turned up at the door. Thanks both your actions have truly had a huge positive effect on me and my headspace. THANK YOU so very much.


Today I started to feel a desire to get back to work. To be useful again. I sincerely hope this is the start of the end....


Take care everyone. And just be thoughtful and kind.. Please.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Living and working with Anxiety and Depression. A personal battle with Mental ILL Health. Sunday 27th February 2022

  WARNING.WILL INCLUDE ADULT CONTENT. When someone travels this route I have found that we become more humble after each episode. As though grateful for another lesson learned. I find myself needing to express my gratitude to anyone that has helped me through it once more. Any individual who has shown understanding and kindness has shown an emotional connection that has helped in the recovery process. Also many of us find that we cut people more slack than we once would have. Basically we learn the hard way to treat others as you wish to be treated yourself. However I don't recommend everyone should go out and get themselves a mental breakdown in some way. But I do advocate a much greater awareness and mindfulness throughout society and business. If someone has a visible injury or illness then quite correctly allowances are made when obstacles of any kind are in the way. But when the illness is not visible it is altogether more difficult to deal with for all parties. If a p...
Read more

4th October 2021 Day 15 The one where I have a good day at last, customers become friends and the word of the day is Cake.

 When in this situation it's a good thing to actually be aware that you're on a downward spiral but you do still have access to the controls. If able , your next step is to make a decision. To apply the brakes or lose control...   Obviously the minute by minute fight within is this very choice.  So today in my case, the brakes were stamped on hard with help from others. (It's rarely possible to carry out this procedure alone).  I get out of bed with actual intent. I know I have an osteopath appointment mid morning and a visit from a wonderful new friend from my post round.  Straight into the woody workshop and some finishing touches done. Then my appointment with manipulation.  I see that the local paper has run a story about how the level of sick leave combined with operational difficulties are conspiring to delay mail deliveries in the area. ... My personal anxiety levels jump from low to high as a result. I'm one of the reasons. I've become a proble...
Read more

10th November 2021 Day 21

 Three weeks have gone since I got tipped over the edge. Three weeks so far, that people, unthinking and uncaring people, have taken away from me.  Three weeks of my wife worrying sick about me whilst she fights to stay above water. Whether I and others was actually bullied, or I'm just being a weary Willy of a bloke matters not. And time will be the judge. Whatever occurred by the actions of others has put me and mine in the frightening situation we find ourselves in now. And yet "they" will have forgotten their actions by now and moved on. Living their normal everyday lives. While the lives of my wife and I have been indelibly marked.  I try to remember at the end of every entry to remind readers to be kind and considerate to others. Not that anyone should need reminding. But alas some do.  I do this in an effort to ensure that if I have written something that seems it's all about me me me. Then that has been inadvertent and the desired effect is to spread awarenes...
Read more