5th November 2021 Day 16 The one where we prepare for the unknown.

 A lost day. Nothing really occurred.

But because of the connection and conversation of yesterday I can honestly say that I've not slipped too far back down. Knowing that I actually matter to someone, anyone can keep you going. 

This sounds so wrong . So dismissive of my fantastic wife. But when you're in this place it can be only too easy to forget how much you mean to your nearest most treasured person. And just how much they mean to you. This isn't selfishness. No. It's sometimes easy for these things to be taken for granted and therefore to lose their value until the chips are really down. But the words of the unexpected. Of those who step into your world to help. They suddenly become so important and encouraging. Today the combination of these people and the love and support of my wife kept me going. There's something playing on my mind though and it's sense of dread chasing after me. Tomorrow is going to be a really difficult day and I know my behaviour be it conscious or subconscious could have a hugely damaging effect on my dearest most cherished friend. My wife! My anxiety levels are already rising at the thought of what lies ahead. Tomorrow was a day we've been looking forward to for months but now we are both scared....


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Living and working with Anxiety and Depression. A personal battle with Mental ILL Health. Sunday 27th February 2022

  WARNING.WILL INCLUDE ADULT CONTENT. When someone travels this route I have found that we become more humble after each episode. As though grateful for another lesson learned. I find myself needing to express my gratitude to anyone that has helped me through it once more. Any individual who has shown understanding and kindness has shown an emotional connection that has helped in the recovery process. Also many of us find that we cut people more slack than we once would have. Basically we learn the hard way to treat others as you wish to be treated yourself. However I don't recommend everyone should go out and get themselves a mental breakdown in some way. But I do advocate a much greater awareness and mindfulness throughout society and business. If someone has a visible injury or illness then quite correctly allowances are made when obstacles of any kind are in the way. But when the illness is not visible it is altogether more difficult to deal with for all parties. If a p...
Read more

4th October 2021 Day 15 The one where I have a good day at last, customers become friends and the word of the day is Cake.

 When in this situation it's a good thing to actually be aware that you're on a downward spiral but you do still have access to the controls. If able , your next step is to make a decision. To apply the brakes or lose control...   Obviously the minute by minute fight within is this very choice.  So today in my case, the brakes were stamped on hard with help from others. (It's rarely possible to carry out this procedure alone).  I get out of bed with actual intent. I know I have an osteopath appointment mid morning and a visit from a wonderful new friend from my post round.  Straight into the woody workshop and some finishing touches done. Then my appointment with manipulation.  I see that the local paper has run a story about how the level of sick leave combined with operational difficulties are conspiring to delay mail deliveries in the area. ... My personal anxiety levels jump from low to high as a result. I'm one of the reasons. I've become a proble...
Read more

10th November 2021 Day 21

 Three weeks have gone since I got tipped over the edge. Three weeks so far, that people, unthinking and uncaring people, have taken away from me.  Three weeks of my wife worrying sick about me whilst she fights to stay above water. Whether I and others was actually bullied, or I'm just being a weary Willy of a bloke matters not. And time will be the judge. Whatever occurred by the actions of others has put me and mine in the frightening situation we find ourselves in now. And yet "they" will have forgotten their actions by now and moved on. Living their normal everyday lives. While the lives of my wife and I have been indelibly marked.  I try to remember at the end of every entry to remind readers to be kind and considerate to others. Not that anyone should need reminding. But alas some do.  I do this in an effort to ensure that if I have written something that seems it's all about me me me. Then that has been inadvertent and the desired effect is to spread awarenes...
Read more