Living and working with anxiety and depression 14th November 2021 Day 25 The one where I keep trying.... And the little one makes me smile..

 We're going to our daughters family in North Wales for a couple of days today. Our grand daughter is nearly two and an absolute dream to be with whenever we're able. Once again I should be filled with joy at our upcoming journey. But I'm flat! And that in turn makes me sad as well as very confused and Faith is therefore now worried. 

When those of us are in this poisonous place we often find ourselves hurting those so close. But we really have very little control over our reactions and moods. It really bloody stinks! And I'm so sorry for my lack of engagement. It causes me to hate myself..

The journey North is a very quiet one with few words exchanged and me riding shotgun this time. Arms folded and eyes mostly closed.

On arrival it's wonderful to see everyone and spending time with my beautiful Grand daughter brings a few smiles to my face. 

Why can't we throw these self defeating mindsets away. Just kill them off forever so they stop haunting our world as well as spoiling everyone else's.


I'm fully aware that I'm in the arms of family. That I'm with the very people that I truly matter to.

Yet I and others who share these shoes, given this wonderful opportunity to enjoy such good times, cannot fully immerse ourselves because we feel we're lacking in some way. That we can't give what's required of us. This hurts.

Tomorrow Faith and I have our beautiful grand daughter to ourselves for the day......


Be kind to each other folks....

Pete x

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