Living and working with anxiety and depression 19th November 2021 Day 30..The one where I didn't want to but I did and I fear feeling good....

 These events are how I am experiencing an episode of Mental ILL Health in my life. But far too many people suffer in so many ways in silence. I want this blog to help people going through similar times.

 It isn't YOU!

 It's society that has had it wrong all this time.  You are not weak because of your health. You are brave and strong to even function in any way.......


I am relieved to say today went quite well again. A struggle to get going again but once engaged in something creative I had no major dark spells.


I just need to keep the momentum up.  My Alter ego of Crafty Pete's Woodshed sustained me from 11am to 7.30pm today. I even took a short trip out to a customer. Alone!

Yes ... !  This is progress . I even listened to music, whistled, sang and joked a little. 

But I have a new fear growing in my mind.

I've managed to get this far before and it disappeared almost in an instant because I bit off too much. 

I get wrapped up sometimes in the fact that I've lost these past few weeks thanks to the actions of others. It makes me angry which in turn brings me down.

So I need to keep busy. Regain my self confidence at the smallest level and then build on it bit by bit.

Give myself a new challenge a couple of times each day . Good old Cognitive Behaviour Therapy..

Nothing too much . It has to be achievable. But for now it's baby steps. But dare I say I'm seeing some light at the end of the tunnel...

I did experience a big anti climax when I decided to call it a day which tells me that as well as being an enjoyable creative day it was also a means to an end.

If I'm honest I was afraid to stop all day because the creativity held back the flood of negative feelings that my depression wants to drown me in. So I pushed on at times minute by noticeable minute. And yet at other times it passed as absolute pleasure.

I'm fully aware that if I stop keeping my mind busy at the wrong time then I'll have a hell of a battle on my hands again. 

Self discipline and self awareness will get me through this. 


I can only hope this continues to improve and then I can see myself getting back to work sooner rather than later.

But for now it's one day at a time.



Take care and be mindful of others.


Pete x


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