20th October 2021

 So after a week of feeling more and more unable to function anywhere like what most would consider normal. And watching and listening to the toxic atmosphere growing in the workplace. Today brought things to a head in more ways than one. Many know that I am a Mental Health professional. I've managed my counselling practice now for 10 years nearly and helped so many clients. But this has never made me exempt from my own MH issues which have seen me, like so many other people struggle with life in ways that a majority would not understand. Four years ago I was absent from work for 6 months after a breakdown that took me to dark places I NEVER want to return to. Since my return to work I have undertaken to be open to anyone and everyone about my experiences with MH in order to break the stigma and promote better understanding. Therefore I now find myself writing this to anyone who wants to read it. 

The past week has seen me very much go into myself and be increasingly quiet and separate from my colleagues. I've been open when asked and indeed kept my managers and union fully aware of my health and that the predominant cause of my current vulnerability is due to the possibility of losing my round in the proposed revisions . A situation many colleagues find themselves in and whilst some may find it a bit of a pain others will be dealing with levels of anxiety that play on their minds and create problems in psychological ways similar to myself.

I write this article to highlight this wherever I can. 

Yes!.. I've stumbled once again like I did 21 years ago and 4 years ago as I've never really fully recovered from bouts of anxiety and depression that return without warning. So to witness the febrile reactions to a democratic action today was one thing that effected me but to then be aggressively accosted by two colleagues over something I had commented on that they had totally misunderstood finally extinguished the last flicker of light of whatever was keeping me upright. I became weak, vulnerable, lonely and scared of everything. So after crying my eyes out in my car I returned to the office picked up my stuff and ran away from the place where I was afraid. Of the three ego states that we are all made up of I had finally slipped into my "child" ego state. I needed to be at home where I could be safe. At the time of writing this I have fallen into a heavy depression with anxiety ravaging my every thought. I don't know when I shall feel able to return to work let alone face my colleagues. I have no idea of my next move even... I'm bloody well scared... I sincerely hope by publishing this I can help people in some way or other. Be it knowing they're not alone or maybe opening someones eyes to the reality of Mental Ill Health. 

Please be kind to each other.

 Pete Thompson.