Living and working with anxiety and depression 21st December 2021 Day 62 The one where I feel a bit Christmassy.... And I have a rant ....

 So today the more positive me has come to the fore. Which obviously is a good thing! He was there when I awoke and has stayed around most of the day thankfully.

So seizing the opportunity we decided to take a festive trip to the nearby market town of Ludlow. It will make a change going over and not standing at my stall for eight hours.

Instead we take a stroll around town and enjoy some lunch in one of our favourite pubs. 

By way of painting on a smile I donned a Xmas bobble hat complete with flashing lights before leaving home. 

God I feel a Pratt. But this time last year I was going to work dressed more festive than even this. I am not going to surrender my fun side without a fight.

So as I walk around I eventually start to take the kind words of passers by with a smile. I've brightened up their day. So why not be pleased with myself?

Today has been another of those days where for some reason my medication has knocked me about. I'm feeling physically tired as opposed to yesterday's mental lethargy. During lunch I could've easily closed my eyes and slept. So once we get home it's a pleasure to sit and fall into an hour or so's nap. 

This time I'm mixing my anti depressants with pain killers some days, or anxiety tablets most days or sometimes all of them. 

In past episodes over the years, I've not had to do this to such a degree as I find necessary currently.

So I'm still learning how I respond to these concoctions not only in my mental state but physically and biologically.

It's quite a learning curve.

Therefore it strikes me how little consideration is so often given to a persons recovery from Mental ill Health . 

Someone who recovering from a visible illness or injury of some sort has a fairly well known and expected recovery map. To which any variables are easily explained and come with their own measures.

However the personal and unseen battle that takes place in recovery from a lapse in a persons Mental Health , even in the 21st century, remains for the most part secretive and unspoken of . 

How many people return to work before they are truly fit to do so, due to coercion or feelings of guilt. Which often results in an immediate increase of intense anxiety and further time off?

How many people will say they are absent due to an unrelated illness or reason, which after a period of time becomes apparent that out of fear they have invented a story hoping to buy time to deal with their issues. And how are they handled when the truth is uncovered?

How many people will take it upon themselves to contact their colleagues / friends who are known to suffer from Mental "ill" Health to just check in? 

And of those who choose not to ... What are their reasons? Is it fear of the unknown? Not sure what they would find? Are they being judgmental of the victim? Are they really unaware that a simple conversation that conveys interest and concern could mean so much to that individual? Do they have their own issues around emotional intelligence? Does it make them feel uneasy?

It's these scenarios and a great many more that I seek to take on as I try to make something positive out of my own experiences of Mental Health issues and do my bit against the Stigma.

In an age where most topics that have spent centuries being swept under that huge lump ridden carpet are receiving a Spotlight , still Mental Health is that "other" subject that we'll get around to one day....

It has to be on the table with everything else. This age of enlightenment needs to be all encompassing and not selective. 

I will speak openly about my experiences in an effort to encourage anyone else in similar company to do the same. Trust me it's not always easy for me.

But it's only through normalisation of topics such as disabilities, race, sexuality, gender, equality and more that these people have found voices. Although even now each of these have their own battles that continue.

Mental Health awareness needs to be talked about, and considered as an equal to all other debilitating illnesses. Education of not only the young but coworkers and hierarchical structures within organisations large and small needs to be addressed.

I believe the world is sitting on a societal mental health time bomb that has already started to go off. But it's not getting enough attention.

Rant over ..... for now. Please think. And be kind.

Pete x